I did not feel safe walking into that building. The friends I usually sat with and/or talked to at my church were all out of town. I’m not sure if I have ever felt more insecure and riddled with anxiety in my entire life. 

The previous Friday, I had decided to push myself socially and attend an activity alone for one of the singles groups I had signed up to be in—these groups were open to everyone and were designed to give people opportunities to build new friendships.

This particular group was a dinner group and I figured that would be a great way to meet some new people. What could be better than making new friends while eating great food!?

We met at a local restaurant. I knew only one person, but he left after only 5 minutes. One of the girls seemed nice and fun—plus she had some great stories from her job. 

I tried to get to know the girl sitting across from me, but when I asked her a question beyond boring small talk, she told me she was tired and didn’t really want to talk. I noticed she didn't mind talking to other people.

So I mostly just listened to the conversations happening around me. I noticed that everyone else seemed to know each other quite well, even though this was only the second dinner group activity.

Since I was in the corner… and nobody would slide into the booth to sit next to me… and the girl across from me didn’t want to talk to me… it was difficult to participate in the conversation. 

At one point, the girl who refused to slide in and sit by me turned to me, looked at me—with what felt like disgust—and told me to let her know when I was ready to leave so she could let me out. I wasn't even halfway done with my plate.

Oddly, I felt like I could relate with the lepers from biblical times. How dare I sit at their table and eat with them!?

It only got worse from there, as I became more and more invisible to these seven people—including the one who had, at first, seemed nice and fun. I sat there feeling more and more detestable as I finished what I could eat. 

They didn't even look my direction when I gasped in frustration after my poor excuse for a to-go box dumped tikka masala sauce all over my coat and pants. 

Nobody batted an eye or offered help as I searched for napkins.

When I said left and politely said goodbye, they looked at me like I was an alien invading their space and said nothing.

If you can get PTSD from a social situation…

It took everything in me to go to church alone that following Sunday.

Naturally, I saw every single one of those people from dinner. And not one of them acknowledged my existence. 

I sat alone through each meeting that day and I talked to no one. I didn’t feel I could risk more possible rejection.

Thankfully, I am too stubborn to let people like that keep me from seeking the Lord at church and renewing my covenants with Him. But dang—the insecurity and anxiety was intense!

It did not feel good to be in the same room with those people from dinner, even though there was a couple hundred other people in the room too.

I wouldn't be surprised if you have felt that way at times, too. If so, you know that anxiety makes it feel unsafe to be in certain situations, even if it doesn't fully make sense to anyone else. 

If you’re experiencing situations that cause feelings of insecurity and anxiety to spike, and are ready to start letting it all go, there’s a dose of enlightenment below. 

And remember, sometimes healing happens fast. Other times, it takes persistence and patience with the process. Just remember that it's absolutely possible through your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You can't go wrong letting Him guide your healing journey. 

Love from Jac

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Since we promised to treat you to an extra dose of light in your inbox, we include a Dose of Enlightenment for you at the end of each newsletter. We value your agency, so it’s up to you whether or not you receive it!

This Dose of Enlightenment is a frequency equation meant to clear a hidden and trapped emotion that you’ve been holding onto. 

If today's emotion is one that we have already cleared, know that we are addressing a different layer or situation this time.

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Today’s emotion is: insecurity

How does this emotion apply to you? For best results, ponder this question and identify how insecurity applies to you.

Dose of Enlightenment: 108 + 892 = E

Say it out loud with intent: “one-zero-eight plus eight-ninety-two equals enlightenment.”

Breathe. Let it go. Feel the shift. Allow your body to be filled with light.

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For access to all of our past newsletters, see our blog: https://www.enso-ia.com/blogs

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The Doses of Enlightenment come from the M: Collaborations with the Divine Doctor book by Jaclyn Taylor. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet and want to learn more about how this works, you can get one here: 

https://intrinsicallyawaken.com

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Feel free to send us a message at hello@enso-ia.com. We would love to hear from you!

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Every decision you make brings you closer to—or farther away from—the Light. We will meet you at the Light!