I lay motionless and pretended to be asleep. It was still dark outside and the house was bustling with activity. Everyone was out of bed except me. My grandparents were there helping to get everyone ready to go—everyone but me.

In my 4-year-old mind, I knew they were all going on a trip and were going to leave me home-alone. If they wanted me to go, they would wake me up.

They didn’t love me. I was too much trouble.

So many made up stories running through my head. I was so afraid to be left behind. Yet, I was resolute in convincing myself I would be okay. I would ‘save face’ no matter what. I would not cry, nor let them know I was afraid. I would keep my pride and dignity intact.

Saving face means to be concerned about appearances. You maintain self-acceptance and self-respect and the respect of others.

It surprises me to know that at the tender age of four, I felt like I had to save face—like it was expected of me. Because of the humiliation I experienced as a child, my overly sensitive little self, had no other choice but to maintain self-respect. 

The shame you felt as a child manifests in your adult self.

How many times have you kept up appearances or pasted on that smile, when inside you were breaking?

How many times have you shown respect to someone when they clearly didn’t deserve it?

How many times have you felt shamed or embarrassed, but pretended it didn’t matter—because you feel like you don’t matter?

How many times have you punished yourself as an adult, because you are the only one around to implement that punishment in order to save face?

Whatever the number, it’s too many times.

I challenge you to pay attention when shame and embarrassment surface for you. When you are aware and recognize what is happening, you have the ability to reclaim that part of your inner child that was hurt or damaged so long ago by life’s circumstances.

Awareness can promote change. A change in the way you see yourself, in the reactions you expect from people around you, and in the quality of your relationships to others. It’s okay to expect positive changes and results in your life. 

Create the space you need to experience what it’s like to be listened to, accepted, validated, appreciated and respected.

Giving positive experiences a chance to grow, you will find there is less space available for feelings of shame and self-rejection, plus, it creates a safe place for your little self to heal.

See the Dose of Enlightenment below to begin creating your safe space.

With love,

Jeri

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Since we promised to treat you to an extra dose of light in your inbox, we include a Dose of Enlightenment for you at the end of each newsletter. We value your agency, so it’s up to you whether or not you receive it!

This Dose of Enlightenment is a frequency equation meant to clear a hidden and trapped emotion that you’ve been holding onto. 

If today's emotion is one that we have already cleared, know that we are addressing a different layer or situation this time.

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Today’s emotion is: saving face 

How does this emotion apply to you? For best results, ponder this question and identify how saving face applies to you.

Dose of Enlightenment: 110 + 890 = E

Say it out loud with intent: "one-ten plus eight-ninety equals enlightenment.”

Breathe. Let it go. Feel the shift. Allow your body to be filled with light.

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For access to all of our past newsletters, see our blog: https://www.enso-ia.com/blogs

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The Doses of Enlightenment come from the M: Collaborations with the Divine Doctor book by Jaclyn Taylor. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet and want to learn more about how this works, you can get one here: 

https://intrinsicallyawaken.com

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Feel free to send us a message at hello@enso-ia.com. We would love to hear from you!

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​Every decision you make brings you closer to—or farther away from—the Light. We will meet you at the Light!