I had just picked up something up at a friend’s house. I placed it in my car and closed the passenger door, when suddenly someone grabbed me from behind.

His strong arms firmly around my waist, he lifted me off my feet and carried me to the garage. I did not go quietly.

My friend, Roe (name has been changed) opened the door to see what was going on. Both her husband and her uncle, who had me in his grasp, thought it was all pretty funny. 

I laughed it off. I wish I wouldn’t have. I wish I would have said something… done something… called the authorities… something… anything… but what?

Their wives are my dear friends so I held back, kept my peace and stayed silent, convincing myself it was just a harmless game. But was it really?

Truth be told, it was unnerving to have someone sneak up behind me and so easily drag me off, realizing I didn’t have the strength to do anything about it.

It was, and still is, so unsettling that I misread these men—that I didn’t recognize they were/are creeps—wolves in sheep’s clothing. 

Within just a few months, both of those men went through divorces. I don’t know the details, nor would I tell if I did. It’s not my place.

It has been over 20 years since this experience and it is still hard to talk about.

I guess today it is time to stop holding back… to tell myself that what they did was not okay… to accept the fact that even though they did not physically harm me, I was traumatized—I felt unsafe.

It’s time to forgive myself for the inappropriate trauma response of laughing it off, because honestly, I didn’t know how else to respond.

It’s time to forgive myself for not doing something… anything… for staying silent… for holding back.

My friends, I know many of you have endured much so much worse, and for that, my heart hurts for you. Sending big hugs. 

If you are ready to stop holding back forgiveness of self (or others) for trauma you have experienced, see the dose of enlightenment below.

With love,

Jeri

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Since we promised to treat you to an extra dose of light in your inbox, we include a Dose of Enlightenment for you at the end of each newsletter. We value your agency, so it’s up to you whether or not you receive it!

This Dose of Enlightenment is a frequency equation meant to clear a hidden and trapped emotion that you’ve been holding onto. 

If today's emotion is one that we have already cleared, know that we are addressing a different layer or situation this time.

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Today’s emotion is: holding back

How does this emotion apply to you? For best results, ponder this question and identify how holding back applies to you.

Dose of Enlightenment: 117 + 883 = E

Say it out loud with intent: "one-seventeen plus eight-eighty-three equals enlightenment.”

Breathe. Let it go. Feel the shift. Allow your body to be filled with light.

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To access all of our past newsletters, see our blog: https://www.enso-ia.com/blogs

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The Doses of Enlightenment come from the M: Collaborations with the Divine Doctor book by Jaclyn Taylor. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet and want to learn more about how this works, you can get one here: 

https://intrinsicallyawaken.com

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Feel free to send us a message at hello@enso-ia.com. We would love to hear from you!

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Every decision you make brings you closer to—or farther away from—the Light. We will meet you at the Light! 
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