I almost slept in the closet that night… he had been so angry that I’d ended things.

Once he realized that my mind couldn't be changed, it was like a switch had flipped—his countenance became very dark—even his eyes looked void of light.

I could feel his mind turning savage as his energy shifted to hostile and aggressive.

The fear felt thick and exquisite. I’d never truly been afraid of him until that moment. It felt like he had become unhinged. I'm not usually one to let my mind run wild, but dozens of scenarios began to play in my head of what he was going to do to me that night.

Honestly, looking back, the signs of him being a dangerous man had been there for a while, but I didn’t want to see them. I try to see the best in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. That isn’t always as helpful to me as it is to them. 

I’ve never prayed so hard for my own physical safety. I listened to a mix of Peace I and Peace II (by Bethel Music and various Christian artists) to try to calm my heart and mind as I got ready for bed and prepared to sleep in the closet.

I tried not to think about all the things he might do to me while in his rage. 

Thankfully there came a point that I felt he had decided to stand down, and I was able to sleep in bed—fairly peacefully, considering… I know that the Lord was protecting me and reassuring me that all would be well.

When he showed up the next morning, he had visibly softened. Honestly, I wondered if I had been imagining the darkness I had seen and felt in him and wondered why I had let my mind run so irrationally wild. 

In retrospect—after much healing and pondering of the experiences that led up to that one—I now understand that my irrationality was letting myself believe that he was a good guy in the first place. 

He was so handsome and charming when I met him, but I can now see how he had been twisting the truth from the beginning—almost every time he opened his mouth.

I kept assuming the best and mentally excusing him… I had wanted things to work because we had so much in common—especially, but definitely not limited to, our love for adventure... and because God had given me a glimpse of his potential... that I had inadvertently dismissed all of the warning flags. 

As I was healing and pondering, I also remembered how the Lord had warned me that my going there to end things would be akin to going into a lion’s den, but that it had to be done. He assured me that He would protect me. Otherwise, I never would have been able to do it.

I’ve learned that I need to be more careful to trust and truly listen to my instincts. Had I done that from the beginning, I wouldn’t have irrationally believed that being in a relationship with him was ever a good idea. 

Hopefully, you are all wiser than I was in that experience. You cannot bank on potential.

If you've ever been caught up in irrational thinking, see the dose of enlightenment below.

Love from Jac

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Since we promised to treat you to an extra dose of light in your inbox, we include a Dose of Enlightenment for you at the end of each newsletter. We value your agency, so it’s up to you whether or not you receive it!

This Dose of Enlightenment is a frequency equation meant to clear a hidden and trapped emotion that you’ve been holding onto. 

If today's emotion is one that we have already cleared, know that we are addressing a different layer or situation this time.

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Today’s emotion is: irrational thinking

How does this emotion apply to you? For best results, ponder this question and identify how irrational thinking applies to you.

Dose of Enlightenment: 120 + 880 = E

Say it out loud with intent: “one-twenty plus eight-eighty equals enlightenment.”

Breathe. Let it go. Feel the shift. Allow your body to be filled with light.

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For access to all of our past newsletters, see our blog: https://www.enso-ia.com/blogs

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The Doses of Enlightenment come from the M: Collaborations with the Divine Doctor book by Jaclyn Taylor. If you haven’t picked up a copy yet and want to learn more about how this works, you can get one here: 

https://intrinsicallyawaken.com

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Feel free to send us a message at hello@enso-ia.com. We would love to hear from you!

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​Every decision you make brings you closer to—or farther away from—the Light. We will meet you at the Light!